There are things people don't tell you about being a mom. The expectations of it, though, are there from our childhood. I always thought I would be a perfect mom. I thought I would do a much better job than my mom and I thought that I would instantly connect with any children I would have. I also thought parenting was a 50-50 job of both the mom and the dad.
Then I got pregnant. :)
I was the one carrying this child. Well, that didn't seem fair to me at all. I had to watch what I ate, worried about that herbal tea I accidentally drank, got to see the enormous purple stretch marks that were now a huge part of most of my body. On the other hand, my dear husband got to keep playing sports, eating whatever he liked and did not gain a single pound. I remember being in the last trimester and telling him, "You don't understand, I don't get a break from this. This baby is with me all the time. You can just go to work and not think about it." So, being a new mom, I totally thought once this baby is out of me, then it will be a 50-50 job.
Then, on March 30th, I gave birth.
Actually, I tried to have Camden on March 29th, but after 22 hours, he finally decided to come right after midnight on the 30th. Yes, he's still stubborn. Lol! Then, it was time to start nursing. Breastfeeding a new human is hard. They don't know what they're doing, we don't know what we're doing. In fact, I gave him a bottle of formula before we left the hospital because I was afraid he was starving. There goes the whole being a perfect mom!
Camden and I learned how to breastfeed together. He taught me how to be a mom and had so much grace with me when I would just sit and hold him and cry. I struggled in those first months. I had postpartum depression and wondered if I could possibly ever be the mom Camden needed me to be. It wasn't until Camden was just over 2 that I finally had confirmation as a mom. I was in a bible study and had broke down crying telling them all these worries and doubts I had about my parenting. At that moment, Corbin, stopped me, looked me straight in the eyes and told me I was a good mom. Me, Chrissy, who had struggled through motherhood up until this point making loads of mistakes, I was a good mom. Those words were life-giving and exactly what I needed.
Then, with my daughter, I had a great pregnancy and a pretty good newborn stage. I knew with her that my role in her life was to carry her within my body (I wouldn't change that for anything), it was to feed her every 2 hours or so whether I'd like to be sleeping during that time instead, it was loving on her new little body and showing her that she is loved and she is cared for. My husband knew his job was to bring me any craving I had (even Arby's fries after his 10 pm soccer game), to hold the baby while I got a long, hot shower, to love on me through every emotional breakdown and to take care of our now 4-year old son. No, it still wasn't the 50-50 thing I had envisioned, but it was better. I fulfilled my role as mom to my kids and my husband fulfilled his role as dad to them. It hasn't ever nor will it ever be perfect, but it was definitely a lot different when I walked with God in the role he had given to me.
Now, I get to see all this through the eyes of Corbin. As a first time mom, she has some of the same worries I did and some different ones. She is enjoying most moments but also wishing for a solid 6 hours straight of sleep. But seeing it from this perspective, I am seeing that the enemy so attacks moms through our children. He tells us we are worthless, selfish, lazy, failures and so many other disgusting things.
So, my dear mommy friends, God wanted me to share this letter to you today.
Dear Moms,
You are wonderful. You are an amazing mom and I knew you would be. I see every sacrifice you are making. I see every sleepless night and every tear you cry. I know you worry for the future, for today and for the mistakes you made yesterday. Please, please surrender yourself and your child to me. I will carry this burden for you. All you need is to be your beautiful, imperfect self and I will do the rest. Tell me your worries, give me your fears. I cannot promise a storm-free journey, but I can promise my love, my joy and my peace. Give me your heart and I will do all the heavy lifting. My beloved, you are not alone, not now, not ever. I am there at 2 am when your sweet baby is crying. I am there when 5 years fly by and you send your baby to Kindergarten. I am there when you send your child to middle school and you cannot believe you're counting the years on one hand until they leave the house. I am there, no matter what happens and no matter the time or place. I want you to know you are doing a good job. I am pleased with you. You are doing exactly what I created you to do. Most of all, I want you to know that I gave you that child on purpose for you to mother. Take time today to breathe in what a beautiful and amazing journey motherhood is.
Love,
Your Creator
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