My Ministry

Hi friends! 

Last time we talked, I eluded to the fact that God has been laying my ministry on my heart. I left it that way because I love how mystical and amazing it sounds. I could just imagine so many avenues the Lord is leading me. He has shown me that He wants me to pursue writing, that I do have a voice in the war on addiction and I can help others who have faced the tragedies that I have, and trust me, He is preparing my heart for all of those things. But today, in this moment in time, those are not my ministries. Just as David was anointed King by God and then was sent back to be a shepherd, I need to be faithful where I am.

So where am I? I am a wife to an amazing husband who works incredibly hard for me to be home with my babies. He often works between 9 and 11 hours most days to provide for us. His love language is acts of service. He feels loved and cared for if I take an extra half hour and make sure the house is picked up before he comes home. He absolutely loves me cooking for him. The Lord wants me to serve my husband and do it with a happy heart. He also wants me serving my children and not just by doing their laundry or by feeding them, he wants me to get down on the floor and play or read a book to them or even have them help me make dinner. He doesn't want them starved for my attention, he wants them filled with love from an imperfect mommy so someday they will seek a perfect God.

The thing is, I have been serving in my home as a mom for over 5 years, as a wife for over 9 years, but I have never seen these as an act of service to the Lord. Recently, I was at church and they did a sermon on serving. I felt like a complete failure. I have never served in the church on the greeting staff or serving coffee or watching people's children and I felt ashamed of this. What am I teaching my children if I'm not serving? But I heard a small whisper to seek my Papa. I literally tormented myself with condemnation for weeks. Then, at a beautiful little boy's birthday party, God had a wonderful woman intervene. She told me that I serve God daily by being home with my children, I serve my husband by taking care of our home and I am serving my church by raising children who will hopefully be the future church. My little ones are 5 and 1 and they will only be this young for so long. God is calling me to just be with them and to teach them of His unending love.

So, friend, where are you now? Are you like me and at home with your babies? Are you a working mom or dad? Are you single? Are your babies grown adults now? Whatever your circumstances, can I encourage you to pray before signing up to serve in any capacity? God will lead you in where He wants you to serve. He may want you to serve the nonbelievers in your workplace. He may want you to reach out to a friend whom you haven't talked to for awhile. I think the biggest lesson I have learned is that serving may not look how your church presents it or how your Christian friend is doing it, it simply is following the simplest command from God and obeying it wholeheartedly.

Here are some recent pictures of my little ones and our adventures.

Love,

Chrissy

Defining Moment

I don't have to know you

To know that you will go through hard times

It's just part of life

Don't let that moment blind you

And don't let it define you

Take heart, that's not who you are

I'm in the shower the other day and singing along to MercyMe's latest album when these lyrics hit me. God has once again orchestrated a wonderful intervention in the middle of this beautiful mess we call life.

Do you have a moment in your life where the enemy reigned? Have you suffered a devastating loss that is constantly on your mind? What was it friend? A job, a dream, a loved one, a baby?

My devastating loss came on March 4th 2014. God prepared me for this in every way He could, but how do you prepare for the worst news you've ever received? My brother, Mikee, my one and only sibling, my friend and my confidant had committed suicide. To say this loss was a defining moment would be the understatement of the year. You see, I knew my brother had a drug addiction, but you hear about God healing that all the time. I knew that ever since our mom passed, he was struggling, but we all go through hard things and then God uses them for good. I knew God's promises and I prayed them over my brother consistently. I wrote my brother a text mid February with Romans 8:38-39 in it. He thanked me for sending it because he said it was exactly what he needed to hear that day. I believed that God would save my brother and then him and I could fight the war on addiction together. He knew what it was like to be an addict and we both knew what it was like to be raised by one. 

When I received the call that my brother who'd been missing for over a week had done the most unthinkable act, I was at first heartbroken. I didn't do anything for the first week. I literally just sat and cried heart wrenching tears. Slowly, I grew angry. I was angry with my brother because he took a really important person out of my life. But more than anything, I was mad at God. How could He let this happen? Why didn't He stop him? Didn't I pray all the right things? Why was this part of my story?

Fast forward a year and a half later and I'm still mourning. I still miss Mikee every single day. God has answered a lot of my questions. My brother (along with you and I) have free will. He can choose to make horrible decisions or good ones. I'll never know the ways God tried to stop my brother from taking his life. But, the truth is, whether it was God's original plan or not, my brother, of his own free will, decided to remove himself from not only my life, but from others who loved him dearly, his son, my dad, his best friend, his son's mom and so many others.

I finally made it out last week to see a bench my nephew's mom made for Mikee. The second I saw it, I sobbed. This bench is my brother. Between the font of his name, to the carving of his drawing, to the "I love you dad" from my nephew with tiny handprints. It was beautiful and amazing to see. 

But this song and it's lyrics of not letting my hard time define me were running through my mind. See, the thing is, I've been stuck for a year and a half. I'm not growing, if anything I'm shrinking. I struggle with friendships, with being open. I have even shut down to God. I've been completely consumed with this life-altering moment and God in all His Grace and all His mercy is calling me to step away. He's calling me to the next chapter of my life, my ministry.

No matter what you've done

Grace comes like a flood

There's hope to carry on

He'll finish what He started

No matter what you face

His mercy will not change

He's with you all the way

He'll finish what He started