This Defines Me

As I scroll through Facebook, I can't help but notice how many friends (myself included) are taking quiz after quiz that tells us who we are. Oh, you like this set of things, you are passionate and warm. Oh, but you like those things so you are fiercely loving and a warrior. We love it when this magical quiz knows who we are and can give us some insight into our strengths. I personally find it a little rough when me and all my friends get the exact same answer. We cannot all be Cinderella. Lol! It got me thinking about why we love those quizzes so much. What is it in our souls that so deeply wants to know who we are and what purpose we have been divinely given?

I have been reading a fiction novel about a young woman growing up in Greece in the 1920's recently. In it, the girl finds she has a passion and a gift for embroidery and for hand stitching garments. As I was reading, I was jealous of this girl, this fictional character who the author has clearly created for this story. It showed how each piece of her life came together for her to be able to use her gift. I felt the love and the passion the author had in creating and nurturing this character. Then, I realized I am a character in the greatest novel ever written (and so are you). We were intentionally created for this period of time and in the exact place we live. We were divinely created for this moment. God is the author and He relishes in nurturing each individual gift in those who believe.

I want to share with you an obscure verse that I pray will help you to see who our God is and how he truly sees us.

"The following Levites: Joshua son of Azaniah, Binnui from the family of Henadad, Kadmiel, and their fellow Levites: Shebaniah, Hodiah, Kelita, Pelaiah, Hanan, Mica, Rehob, Hashabiah, Zaccur, Sherebiah, Hodiah, Bani, and Beninu. 

Nehemiah 10:9-13 NLT

You see, for years, I have skipped sections of the Bible like this. Why in the world do I need to read all these names? Who cares Lord? Why did you waste precious space in Your Word for all these names? Until God finally laid the answer on my heart. He is a personal God. He knows each of us by name. He is using your name in the story He's writing today. God is a loving God who sees us exactly as we are, exactly as He created us, and knows our story better than we ever will. I pray today, we can rest in His truth and in His love for us.

With everything I have, I want to scour the Bible and find verses to show you who you are and how loved you are by our God, but I feel deeply that I cannot truly do justice for each person who is reading this. I challenge you, friend, to dig deep into scripture and find the defining verses that stick to your heart. Find the ones that tell you, you are loved. Find the ones that sing to your passions. Find the ones that make you question everything you've ever known. Plaster these scriptures to your walls, put them as your wallpaper on your phone, share them with your friends and proudly say, "This defines me."

Dear Moms

Recently I've been really thinking about my journey of motherhood and really getting to see it from a new perspective. On January 24th, my God baby was born to my best friend, Corbin. I've experienced the newborn stage twice and had two very different experiences, but I have to say, seeing it from the outside is quite different and it makes me appreciate moms and the journey of motherhood so much more.

There are things people don't tell you about being a mom. The expectations of it, though, are there from our childhood. I always thought I would be a perfect mom. I thought I would do a much better job than my mom and I thought that I would instantly connect with any children I would have. I also thought parenting was a 50-50 job of both the mom and the dad. 

Then I got pregnant. :)

I was the one carrying this child. Well, that didn't seem fair to me at all. I had to watch what I ate, worried about that herbal tea I accidentally drank, got to see the enormous purple stretch marks that were now a huge part of most of my body. On the other hand, my dear husband got to keep playing sports, eating whatever he liked and did not gain a single pound. I remember being in the last trimester and telling him, "You don't understand, I don't get a break from this. This baby is with me all the time. You can just go to work and not think about it." So, being a new mom, I totally thought once this baby is out of me, then it will be a 50-50 job.

Then, on March 30th, I gave birth.

Actually, I tried to have Camden on March 29th, but after 22 hours, he finally decided to come right after midnight on the 30th. Yes, he's still stubborn. Lol! Then, it was time to start nursing. Breastfeeding a new human is hard. They don't know what they're doing, we don't know what we're doing. In fact, I gave him a bottle of formula before we left the hospital because I was afraid he was starving. There goes the whole being a perfect mom!

Camden and I learned how to breastfeed together. He taught me how to be a mom and had so much grace with me when I would just sit and hold him and cry. I struggled in those first months. I had postpartum depression and wondered if I could possibly ever be the mom Camden needed me to be. It wasn't until Camden was just over 2 that I finally had confirmation as a mom. I was in a bible study and had broke down crying telling them all these worries and doubts I had about my parenting. At that moment, Corbin, stopped me, looked me straight in the eyes and told me I was a good mom. Me, Chrissy, who had struggled through motherhood up until this point making loads of mistakes, I was a good mom. Those words were life-giving and exactly what I needed.

Then, with my daughter, I had a great pregnancy and a pretty good newborn stage. I knew with her that my role in her life was to carry her within my body (I wouldn't change that for anything), it was to feed her every 2 hours or so whether I'd like to be sleeping during that time instead, it was loving on her new little body and showing her that she is loved and she is cared for. My husband knew his job was to bring me any craving I had (even Arby's fries after his 10 pm soccer game), to hold the baby while I got a long, hot shower, to love on me through every emotional breakdown and to take care of our now 4-year old son. No, it still wasn't the 50-50 thing I had envisioned, but it was better. I fulfilled my role as mom to my kids and my husband fulfilled his role as dad to them. It hasn't ever nor will it ever be perfect, but it was definitely a lot different when I walked with God in the role he had given to me.

Now, I get to see all this through the eyes of Corbin. As a first time mom, she has some of the same worries I did and some different ones. She is enjoying most moments but also wishing for a solid 6 hours straight of sleep. But seeing it from this perspective, I am seeing that the enemy so attacks moms through our children. He tells us we are worthless, selfish, lazy, failures and so many other disgusting things.

So, my dear mommy friends, God wanted me to share this letter to you today.

Dear Moms,

You are wonderful. You are an amazing mom and I knew you would be. I see every sacrifice you are making. I see every sleepless night and every tear you cry. I know you worry for the future, for today and for the mistakes you made yesterday. Please, please surrender yourself and your child to me. I will carry this burden for you. All you need is to be your beautiful, imperfect self and I will do the rest. Tell me your worries, give me your fears. I cannot promise a storm-free journey, but I can promise my love, my joy and my peace. Give me your heart and I will do all the heavy lifting. My beloved, you are not alone, not now, not ever. I am there at 2 am when your sweet baby is crying. I am there when 5 years fly by and you send your baby to Kindergarten. I am there when you send your child to middle school and you cannot believe you're counting the years on one hand until they leave the house. I am there, no matter what happens and no matter the time or place. I want you to know you are doing a good job. I am pleased with you. You are doing exactly what I created you to do. Most of all, I want you to know that I gave you that child on purpose for you to mother. Take time today to breathe in what a beautiful and amazing journey motherhood is.

Love,

Your Creator

Profound Blessings

Happy New Year friends!!

So, I was reading my First 5 App devotional this morning and this reflection question was asked at the end, "If you’ve seen God turn your personal sacrifice into a profound blessing, would you share it to encourage others?" Now, I did not have a personal sacrifice that instantly popped into my head, but I did have a dear friend come to mind, Stephanie.

I met Stephanie back in 2003 at JcPenney's, where we both started our first jobs. A little background on us at the time: I was 17, angry at the world cause my mom was an addict, who was taking my paychecks to make ends meet; Stephanie was a beautiful, bright 17 year old who loved Jesus, but was a bit shy and a bit unsure of herself. At the time, I smoked cigarettes, I loved myself more than anything in the world and I did not want anything to do with God. But I did need a ride home from work after my shift. The one thing I knew for sure was that if Stephanie was working, I had a ride home. Yes, I had to listen to K-Love in her car but I always felt at peace with Stephanie. I felt like everything was going to be okay when I was with her.

She then invited me to see Passion of the Christ with her and a friend. I remember balling my eyes out when Jesus died on the cross but for me at the time, it was just a movie where a really nice guy died, not my Savior dying on a cross for me. Afterwards, we drove around and they asked me about Jesus and what I thought about him. I honestly don't remember much about my answer, but I'm sure to Stephanie it was probably pretty disappointing.

In the same way, 

let your good deeds shine out 

for all to see, 

so that everyone 

will praise your heavenly father.

Matthew 5:16 NLT

As I sit here and ponder about those years, what strikes me the most is how obedient Stephanie was. She could have easily changed the station to something I would have been comfortable with, but she didn't. She had K-Love playing every single time I was in her car. I remember that. I remember the station playing in a car when I had rides from probably 20 other people and I couldn't tell you a single conversation we had, let alone the music that we listened to. Stephanie remained true to who she was. She was a Christian with values. She never preached to me that I was going to hell if I didn't repent. In fact, besides our one night going to see Passion of the Christ, she didn't preach to me at all. Instead, she physically showed me what it meant to be in a relationship with Jesus. Like I already said, I knew if she was working, I had a ride home. No matter the cost to her, she would make sure I got home safely. She listened when I spoke to her. She would take in all of what I was saying and then tell me something so profound. Now I know, the Holy Spirit was speaking through her to my heart. Stephanie was a Holy invitation to the most meaningful relationship of my life.

But, if you recall, I wasn't saved until 2008. The last time I saw Stephanie was in a Starbucks in 2004. We met there and I bragged about how I was living with my boyfriend and how great everything was. You see, I thought Joe, my husband now, was my savior at the time. He rescued me from my mom and the situation I was living in. Goodness, I can't even imagine how disappointing that conversation must have been for Stephanie. I'm positive she had faithfully prayed for my salvation and she had planted seeds and followed every call from God. Where was the fruit though?

Fast forward to 2015. I got the chance to finally talk with Stephanie again (thank God for an old notebook with her full name and Facebook). I had the chance to thank her for being patient with me, for praying for my salvation and for loving on me when she didn't have to. She graciously accepted my thanks and then invited me into the last ten years of her life. After her and I parted ways, she had to transition her faith from childhood to adulthood. She had to decide all over again to follow God and be obedient in this world that can shake our faith to the core. She had to discover who she is and find God's love and plans for her. Those years came with bad decisions and falling into some temptation but God redeemed it and won her heart.

I am praying that Stephanie can encourage you today. If you are in a place where God has you speaking life into a pre-Christian's heart, can you just be encouraged that you are planting seeds? Your obedience may not be rewarded on this side of heaven but you are doing God's work. You are giving that person the greatest gift you will ever give anyone. I personally cannot say how thankful I am for every single prayer for my heart to be turned to Jesus. If you are in a place where you are struggling in your faith and maybe even making bad choices, God can redeem you. He can save you from your mess and turn it into something beautiful. Humbly repent and ask that God would rescue you.

Most of all, let us remember that in all our brokenness and all our humanity that there is only one who saves and that is Jesus. He is our Savior, our knight in shining armor. He rescues us from the sin that entraps us.

So, if you’ve seen God turn your (or someone else's) personal sacrifice into a profound blessing, would you share it to encourage others?

For I was hungry, and you fed me.

I was thirsty and you gave me a drink.

I was a stranger and 

you invited me into your home.

I was naked, and you gave me clothing.

I was sick, and you cared for me.

I was in prison, and you visited me.

Matthew 25:35-36 NLT